This is not for the faint of heart. I apologize beforehand if anyone is offended.
OK, OK, I am the panic attack queen, always have been, always will be, can't help it, Doc says I can't help it. It's the adrenaline thing, the fight or take flight thing.

I went to the Methodist Hospital in Houston for it once, well that was actually for the migraine that followed - kicking, screaming, throwing up, left side of the body numb vetebro basilar migraine. But they taught me bio-feedback at Methodist to those swinging favorite sounds of Debussy's Clair de lune and other classical pieces. Actually, it was quite interesting making your brain go free of all thought (no sarcastic remarks here.) It almost makes you high. It's not something you can sit back and do instantly, you have to be totally relaxed and concentrate, so to speak, on relaxing without really concentrating. The doctor that taught me in Houston was named Dr. Ping.

Anyway, I don't have panic attacks so much anymore, I can usually talk myself out of them. But yesterday folks, yesterday being any other wonderful day became the monster of all days. It started the previous evening when I was ironing my clothes for the next day. I have a new pair of Ralph Lauren pastel slacks that feel soooo good when I wear them. I was ironing them and thinking, oh I better be careful shaving my legs in the morning because I don't want a cut.
Fast forward to yesterday morning in the shower. Yes I cut my right leg above my ankle. I looked down and blood was going down the drain. I hadn't even felt it. Then I looked around and there was blood SPURTING on the side of the tub. I said god where is that coming from? Don't panic. Soap on my body, conditioner in my hair. Blood is spraying, god did I cut myself that bad? Looked at it, couldn't even see the stream, but sure enough it was still on the side of the tub, Sherlock. Rinsed myself off, looked down a couple of times, still spraying. I take a baby aspirin everyday, maybe that's it. Boy my blood sure is thinned. Am now promising God everything I can think of to stay conscious (even though I was not light headed at all.) God I'll never drink another adult beverage, God I'll not cuss all the slow old people in the road out. You'll be fine Susan. Turn off the shower. Blood still spurting on the side of the tub. White towels, white bath mat. Oh, god could it be my blood pressure? I have high blood pressure. Panic rising.

Dry off quickly in the tub now, blood still shooting across the tub. Tub is like Psycho the movie. Norman, the lab, (no coincidence to the Bates Motel owner) is the only one around and he ducks for cover when things get rough. Wrap the towel around my ankle. Oh my god Susan, what if you bleed to death and they find you naked?!!!? Run to my dresser, towel falls off of leg, blood shooting on the walls. Look at the walls. Oh god, oh god, oh god. Got to get dressed, got to get dressed. Put on undies but right half gets soaked as I put them on. Wrap towel around ankle, run to the closet, towel falls off ankle. Blood spraying on the carpet, on my shoes, it's this tiny little stream but it's torquing out some red stuff pretty fast. Put pants on, right leg soaked. By now the dressing room looks like something out of fatal attraction. Wrap leg again.
Finish dressing, run to the kitchen to take blood pressure medicine, hoping for instant Alice in Wonderland effect. Towel falls off. Kitchen floor now taking a battering. Get portable phone, call Jim....no one is at the barn (Jim's Public Works Superintendent for City of Mansfield - his men dispatch out of the barn on Water Street). Call city hall....no Jim. Get Gwen, emergency, emergency, she says she'll reach him on the radio.
Wrap leg again, put it up on chair (first sensible thing done that morning), now house is eerily quiet and I'm taking my pulse because, because I guess....that I'll be able to report my pulse when I meet Jesus. Leg stops bleeding. Oh, good, maybe I didn't really see or do what I just saw and did. Got up, got another wet towel to wipe off all the blood and clean my leg up. Oh, good, I'm ok. Until I look at the white paneled wall in the kitchen. Blood is shooting across to the wall. Oh my god, wrap leg again tight. Call Mr. G's (my boss) wife and tell her to get hold of Mr. G in transit and tell him what is going on. Like that is going to accomplish something Susan?
Jim comes in, says what in the hell is going on? Takes one look at my raggedy wet hair, my blood soaked pants, my white shirt with bloody fingerprints all over it (by god, I'm not naked)....and rolls his eyes. Goes to the front bathroom, gets the ice pack, puts ice in it, puts it on the chair under my leg. He walks to the back and screams, "Did you KILL the dog back here?" Of course the bleeding stopped instantly but had to make an appointment with Doc to get to the bottom of this. Called Mr. G, he said chill out. Spent the rest of the day on the bed with my leg up. Jim saying, "this is not normal, something is wrong."
Twenty-four hours later, I'm coming back from Shreveport where Doc took one look at it and said, "Oh, you nicked a vericose vein, next time, stay in the bathtub, put pressure on it, when it stops pumping, go get the ice pack and that will stop it immediately." And my blood pressure was just fine, 132 over 78. And he won't let me off the aspirin. And I enjoy taking a few years off of the end of my life often.
Oh, and because nothing I do goes unpunished, when I got back to Mansfield and work, Mr. G had told everyone in the world what happened, so naturally everyone, from Mr. Evans, to A.T. Martinez to Allen Pace to Suanne Bogle, to no less than 5 landmen, who all asked me if I cut my leg off today.
So, I'm going to tell something on Mr. G: get ready for this flash folks, this successful attorney/tree farmer/multi-millionaire uses a laundry basket for a suitcase.
Ruffinism for the day: We all experience moments absolutely free of worry. These brief respites are called panic. - Cullen Hightower