As an alderman in our fair city, I felt it my duty to inform you of a new procedure I have established at City Hall (all on my own) regarding water bills. Now you folks know you have TWO (2) months to pay a water bill before the city even sends you a cutoff notice. Two months, yes, to pay on average a $30.00 water/sewer/garbage bill unless you leave your toilet running (of which many of you do) or if you have a leak under your house but choose not to fix it, well because, you can't see it and pretend it's not there.
Well this is what we're going to do now when you come home and find your water cut off (by the city) after having two months to pay it. Instead of giving out my brother-in-law's UNLISTED (for this very reason) phone number, who is the superintindent of public works, like I did last night to a sweet young thing knowing full well that all bills are handled through the office during regular office hours and that my brother-in-law has no authority (nor do I for that fact) to turn her water back on and then SHE DROVE OVER TO HIS HOUSE AND PLEADED HER CASE (we know she'd never lie) IN HIS DRIVEWAY UNTIL HIS CRAZY WIFE CAME OUT SCREAMING ABOUT HIS BLOOD PRESSURE GOING THROUGH THE ROOF, well folks, this is what we're going to do:
PLEASE, PLEASE feel free to call me at my house (318) 872-XXXX or my cell phone (318) XXX-XXXX any time of the day or night. As a matter of fact, here's my wife Ginger's cell phone too (318) XXX-XXXX and my childrens' phone and cell numbers (318) XXX-XXXX (318) XXX-XXXX (318) XXX-XXXX (318) XXX-XXXX (318) XXX-XXXX (318) XXX-XXXX. That way I can talk to you directly and get your concerns and then perhaps give you the mayor's numbers because he might want to go out every night and turn water back on for thieving delinquent constituents such as yourself. If I can be of further assistance, please, please call me...we'll be in touch.
Guy Bridges Hall,